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Vault of Death - Transcript

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[The scene opens on a shot of Big Ben at night. It then cuts to a policeman standing in front of a bank building. It is very foggy. The title card appears:

VAULT OF DEATH

Cuts to a woman walking down the street. Only her feet are seen. The policeman can hear her footsteps. The woman approaches the policeman from behind, and he spins around quickly, shining his torch in her face. The woman turns out to be Lady Penelope.]

Lady Penelope: "Oh, constable, the light's in my eyes."

Policeman: "Oh, I'm sorry, madam. Truth is, you gave me quite a start."

Lady Penelope: "Yes, a terrible night, isn't it. You see, I've had to leave my car, and now I seem to be quite lost."

Policeman: "Where are you making for?"

Lady Penelope: "Well, if you could direct me to the Tower of London, I would know my way from there."

Policeman: "The Tower? Yes, that's easy enough."

[Suddenly, a hand appears from behind the policeman and holds a wad of cotton wool over his face. The policeman falls to the floor unconscious.]

Lady Penelope: "You haven't hurt him, have you, Parker?"

Parker: "No, m'lady, just a touch of chloroform."

Lady Penelope: "Splendid! Get him out of sight and fetch the equipment. I'll take a look at the problem."

[Lady Penelope examines the door of the bank while Parker opens a manhole.]

Lady Penelope: "Plastic explosive should take care of the outer door."

Parker: "Very good, m'lady. I'll fix the alarm."

[Parker cuts a wire, extinguishing the bank's outside light.]

Lady Penelope: "Good work, Parker."

Parker: "The warning systems are on the same circuit. Most obliging of them, madam."

[Lady Penelope attaches an explosive charge to the door while Parker closes the manhole.]

Lady Penelope: "Parker?"

Parker: "Yes, m'lady?"

Lady Penelope: "Quickly, the fuse."

Lady Penelope: "Good. We're right on time. Take cover, Parker."

[The charge explodes just as Big Ben strikes two.]

Lady Penelope: "Splendid! Come on, Parker. We have work to do."

[They enter the bank and make their way to the vault.]

Lady Penelope: "The rest is up to you. You've got plenty of time."

[Parker starts trying to open the combination lock with the help of a stethoscope. Half an hour passes. Lady Penelope is getting impatient and repeatedly snaps her fingers.]

Parker: "Hmm, yeah. Look, do you think we might 'ave a bit of 'ush, milady?"

Lady Penelope: "I'm sorry, Parker, but if you used a modern detector, you might..."

Parker: "A stethoscope, madam, was good enough for my father, for my father's father, and before him, my father's...."

Lady Penelope: "Yes, yes, all right, Parker, it was just a suggestion!"

[Another hour passes.]

Parker: "Oh, dear oh, dear oh dear."

Lady Penelope: "How much longer?"

Parker: "Just one more, m'lady."

[Finally, the door unbolts and Parker swings it open.]

Lady Penelope: "Splendid, Parker."

Parker: "Mission completed. Two hours, twenty-five minutes, exactly!"

[Suddenly, the light switches on and a group of seven men all start voicing their appreciation. One of the men walks up to Penelope.]

Lady Penelope: "There you are, Your Lordship, we carried out your instructions to the letter."

Lord Silton: "What can I say, Lady Penelope. For years, the board of Governors have refused my request for a new, modern, up-to-date safe. But now, well, I have positive proof that this strongroom is just not good enough."

[Parker is talking to the other men.]

Parker: "Oh, er... yes, yes. I would agree that I have a rare talent. One, that you might say, one has, or then again, does NOT has."

Lord Silton: "Topping job of work, my man! The bank will get a new vault for this."

Parker: "Jolly good show, what! - Any time, Your Lordship. Any time."

Lady Penelope: "Yes, Parker, but I think that will be all. [To Lord Silton:] Well, we really must be on our way now. I do hope you'll be able to keep the dinner invitation."

Lord Silton: "Of course I shall, Lady Penelope. It'll be a pleasure to dine with you."

Lady Penelope: "Come along, Parker."

Parker: "Coming, m'lady."

Lord Silton: "And thank you once again for all you've done."

Lady Penelope: "Only too glad to be of assistance."

Parker: "Erm... excuse me, sir. I am quite correct in assuming, am I not, that you will take care of any trouble arising out of this incident?"

Lord Silton: "I shall answer for everything. There's no need to worry."

Parker: "Oh, thank you, sir. Goodbye, sir."

Lord Silton: "Goodbye."

[All:] Goodbye."

Lord Silton: "Now, I wonder what sort of trouble he had in mind...?"

[Scene cuts to outside the bank. The policeman is back on his feet, blowing his whistle. Then, the scene cuts to Lady Penelope and Parker driving along in FAB1.]

Lady Penelope: "I'm very pleased with you, Parker. You did extremely well."

Parker: "Thank you for saying so, m'lady."

Lady Penelope: "You certainly have a way with safes. Thank goodness so few people share your talent."

Parker: "Few indeed, m'lady! Off hand, I can only think of one other expert capable of such a job."

Lady Penelope: "Oh? And may I ask his name?"

Parker: "You may, milady, but it's of little consequence. He's retired. At least, for the duration."

Lady Penelope: "And I'm delighted that the new vault has been installed so quickly. We must talk more about it over diner tonight."

Lord Silton: "Love to, Lady Penelope. I'll see you tonight then. Goodbye."

Lady Penelope: "Bye."

Lord Silton: "Ah, Lovegrove!"

Lovegrove: "I've put the Brinkley report figures on your desk, sir."

Lord Silton: "What, already?"

Lovegrove: "Lambert was working on them, sir. His concentration is quite terrifying."

Lord Silton: "Lambert, eh? Oh, yes, I know the fellow - chappie who absolutely buries himself in his work. Goes through ten times as much as anybody else. Yes. Could do with a few more like him."

Lovegrove: "Oh, indeed one could, sir. Yes."

Lord Silton: "Take a look at this. Fantastic, isn't it, Lovegrove? Here we are, standing inside the Bank of England. Ouside, it appears just as it was two, three, four centuries ago, and yet, down here we have the strongest, most modern vault in the entire world."

Lovegrove: "Quite fantastic, Your Lordship. Indeed so, sir."

Lord Silton: "One does of course deplore change...."

Lovegrove: "Oh, of course one does, sir."

Lord Silton: "But it is nevertheless comforting to know that all England's deeds, monies and documents are safely under lock and key."

Lovegrove: "Most comforting indeed, sir."

Lord Silton: "Especially when one considers that I have the only electronic key, and that I carry it with me wherever I go. Any more to come, Lovegrove? I'm dining at a stately home tonight. Don't want to be late, you know."

Lovegrove: "I think they're all here, sir."

Lord Silton: "Call the roll then, eh? There's a good chap."

Lovegrove: "At once, Your Lordship. Taylor?"

Taylor: "Present, Mr Lovegrove."

Lovegrove: "Carter?"

Carter: "Yes, sir."

Lovegrove: "Moore? Moore?"

Moore: "Yes, er, here."

Lovegrove: "Longman?"

Longman: "Present, sir."

Lovegrove: "Lambert? Lambert?"

Carter: "He did leave the vault earlier, Mr Lovegrove."

Lovegrove: "I see, very well. Barrett?"

Barrett: " Yes, sir."

Lovegrove: "All present and accounted for, sir."

Lord Silton: "Good, good. Now all that remains is to close the vault. Lovegrove, we can rest assured that nobody will ever break into here."

Lovegrove: "Quite, quite. It's a great engineering achievement. I especially approve of the way the air is pumped out of the vault, sir. Papers keep so much better in a vacuum."

Lord Silton: "Well, that appears to be it."

Lovegrove: "You do of course have the key, sir?"

Lord Silton: "It's in my case, Lovegrove, and this case never leaves my side."

Lord Silton: "Good night, Lovegrove."

Lovegrove: "Good night, sir."

Lord Silton: "I doubt if that door will be opened for at least another two years."

Lovegrove: "Well, we've checked everywhere else, and Lambert's still missing. Perhaps he IS locked in the vault.

Lambert: "I gave orders I was not to be disturbed. These figures must be finished."

Lovegrove: "Hello? Hello? Hello!"

Lambert: "Perhaps I'll get some peace and quiet now."

Lovegrove: "He's in there, but he's rung off."

Carter: "Lambert always did bury himself in his work, you'll get no...."

Lovegrove: "Look at the indicator. In another two hours, all the air will be pumped out. We can't stop it, and we can't open the vault!"

Carter: "Contact Lord Silton. He has the key."

Lovegrove: "He said something about dining at a stately home, but I don't know where. Oh dear, oh dear. I'll have to use the emergency call system."

Lord Silton: "Well, here's to you, Lady Penelope. Still can't thank you enough for all you did."

Lady Penelope: "Oh, it was nothing. And anyway, Parker must take most of the credit."

Lord Silton: "A real treasure, that man of yours. Wish I could find someone like him. Knows his place, dresses well... the sort of fellow you could take anywhere."

Parker: "Ain'tcha got my grub ready yet, Lil?"

Lil: "What's the matter with you. I've only got one pair of 'ands, ain't I?

Parker: "Wasting your time here, girl, if you got more. You'd make a few bob in a circus, wouldn't ya? What are you getting for their nibs then?"

Lil: "None of your business!"

Parker: "Hello, hello! You wanna keep your shirt on!"

Lil: "Hark who's talkin'!"

Parker: "Still, don't blame ya not tellin' me. If I cooked like you, I wouldn't shout about it neither!"

Lil: "Now, listen 'ere, Nosey...."

Parker: ."Ey! Manners, manners! Mr Parker, hif you don't mind!"

Lil: "All right, Mr Nosey Parker. I've been slavin' over this all day."

Parker: "Oh, come off it, Lil, I was only pullin' your leg. What you done for 'em?

Lil: "Well, I'm startin' 'em off with a drop of consomme...."

Parker: "Ooh! 'Orrible load of old rubbish!"

Lil: "Then a special escalopy receep, with all the trimmings, of course...."

Parker: "Muck! Gives me heartburn just to look at it!"

Lil: "And then they can finish orf with their old Crapey Suzettes and coffee how they like it."

Parker: "Crapey? Well, they're welcome to it! And what you got for me, then?"

Lil: "Stew."

Parker: "Oh, me favourite!"

Lil: "I spoil ya, don't I. Here you are, here's yer paper. I know how you like a read while you're eating."

Parker: "Ah, well... Cor strike me pink! Light-Fingered Fred's out!"

Lady Penelope: "I can't tell you how pleased I am that you were able to accept my invitation to dinner, Lord Silton."

Lord Silton: "The pleasure is all mine, Lady Penelope. So rarely am I able to get away from my duties at the Bank of England."

Parker: "You rang, madam?"

Lady Penelope: "Yes. You may serve coffee now, Parker."

Parker: "Yes, milady."

Lady Penelope: "Would you like Parker to take your briefcase?"

Lord Silton: "No, thank you, it never leaves my side, you know. Everywhere I go. Good heavens!"

Lady Penelope: "What's that noise? What is it?"

Lord Silton: "It's the emergency call system. I'm wanted at the Bank immediately."

Lady Penelope: "Emergency? You mean the bank is being robbed?"

Lord Silton: "It could be."

Parker: "Bank robbery?!

Lord Silton: "You clumsy nincompoop!"

Lady Penelope: "Parker!"

Lord Silton: "Excuse the outburst, Lady Penelope...."

Lady Penelope: "That's perfectly all right."

Lord Silton: "But it was rather hot."

Parker: "I'm sorry, m'lady, it's... I don't know what came over me. Must be a sudden shock."

Lady Penelope: "Well, go and get something to clean up this mess. I'm terribly sorry, Lord Silton."

Lord Silton: "No time for apologies. I must call the bank immediately."

Lovegrove: "Yes?"

Carter: "Lord Silton's coming through on the videophone now."

Lovegrove: "At last!"

Lord Silton: "Now Ah, Lovegrove, what's all this emergency call about, eh? We've been cut off."

Lady Penelope: "Parker!"

Parker: "Yes, milady? I've er um been pruning the roses, madam."

Lady Penelope: "Get the Rolls Royce out, Parker. We're taking Lord Silton to London. Don't worry, we'll have you there in no time. My car is capable of phenomenal speeds."

Lord Silton: "It's a very smooth ride. It feels as though we're hardly moving."

Lady Penelope: "Parker!"

Parker: "Can't hunderstand why we're going so slow, madam, I 'ave my foot 'ard down."

Lady Penelope: "I don't know what you're up to, but get us to London quickly!"

Lovegrove: "Oh dear. Just 90 minutes left, and no sign of Lord Silton. I'll have to call for outside help."

John Tracy: "International Rescue, your call is received."

Carter: "This is top priority, urgent. There's a man trapped in the Bank of England vault."

Jeff Tracy: "Go ahead, John."

John Tracy: "Emergency call from London, England, requesting immediate action."

Virgil Tracy: "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Jeff Tracy: "OK, John. I'll get you to brief Scott, there's very little time on this one."

John Tracy: "FAB, I'll clear the air and remain on stand-by."

Jeff Tracy: "Ah, boys, good. Scott, leave immediately - destination England. John will brief as soon as you're on your way."

Scott Tracy: "Yes, sir."

Tin-Tin: "International Rescue to Thunderbird 1. Your landing point: City of London Heliport."

Scott Tracy: "Message received and understood, Tin-Tin. I have received the details of the emergency from John. Request Thunderbird 2 with Pod 5."

Jeff Tracy: "OK, Scott. Request granted."

Scott Tracy: "One thing more, Father. I reckon Virgil will need some help on this one."

Jeff Tracy: "Leave it with me."

Scott Tracy: "Sure. I'll keep in touch."

Jeff Tracy: "Hmmm, help for Virgil... things have been kind of quiet on the space front. I'll give Alan a chance of seeing some action. OK, Virgil, away you go. Pod 5. Alan will be joining you."

Virgil Tracy: "OK, Father.

Lovegrove: "International Rescue or not, they'll never get Lambert out now!"

Lovegrove: "I'm glad you're here, Mr. Tracy, but with due respect, I can't see what we can do, unless we get the key, and there's only one hour left!"

Scott Tracy: "We're not often beaten, Mr Lovegrove. The equipment will be arriving any minute."

John Tracy: "International Rescue from space station. Thunderbird 2 has landed safely. Scott reports that, owing to the underground cables and communications in London, the Mole cannot be used."

Tin-Tin: "If they can't tunnel their way in, they'll never rescue that poor man."

Jeff Tracy: "Don't worry, Tin-Tin. The boys will burn their way through the door."

Lovegrove: "I promise you, it'll take years to get through!"

Scott Tracy: "It won't take that long with OUR equipment, but will it be fast enough...?"

Lovegrove: "What could have happened to Lord Silton?"

Lady Penelope: "Well, I'm waiting for your explanation, Parker."

Parker: "I... I seem to 'ave Iost my way, milady."

Lady Penelope: "Lost your way, to London?"

Parker: "Yes, madam."

Lady Penelope: "Step outside, Parker. I want a word with you. Now, why are you so intent on stopping Lord Silton getting to the bank, Parker?"

Parker: "Me, m'lady?"

Lady Penelope: "Yes, you. I can see, now that it was you who put the videophone out of action. Pruning roses indeed! Now, supposed you explain, hm? Parker, I'm waiting."

Parker: "Oh well, erm.... All right, m'lady. It all began, the last time I was away."

Lady Penelope: "In prison, you mean?"

Parker: "Well, if you want to put it that way, m'lady. I shared a cell with a gentleman known to the trade as Light-Fingered Fred. As a matter of fact, it was 'im I referred to as being the only other soul capable of doing that safe-job for his Lordship."

Lady Penelope: "Go on, Parker."

Parker: "Well, I was resting on my bunk one day, when Fred said...."

Light-Fingered Fred: "Ere, Nosey?"

Parker: "Whassa matter, now?"

Light-Fingered Fred: "What you gonna do when you get out?"

Parker: "Oh, I dunno, I haven't thought about it much."

Light-Fingered Fred: "Nah, listen, listen! I fink it's important. I mean, it's only right that a bloke should have ambition, I mean. Look, I don't want to waste these ten years I'm doing. You know, I'm gonna learn from 'em, Nosey."

Parker: "Oh, plannin' for the future, are you Fred?"

Light-Fingered Fred: "Yeah, that's right. That's it exactly, learn from yer mistakes. Now, there comes a time in every man's life, when he knows what he's got to do. Look, I may not 'ave been a friend of society up till now, but I'm gonna reform and settle down... just as soon as I've knocked off the Bank of England."

Parker: "You... you... you rob the Bank of England?"

Light-Fingered Fred: "Not half! You mark my words! I shall break into the vault, and I, personally, will DO the Bank of England."

Parker: "So you see, ma'am, this emergency could be Light-Fingered Fred carryin' out his threat."

Lady Penelope: "Not necessarily.

Parker: "But it COULD be. It isn't right milady, that I should be the one to ruin an old colleague's life ambition."

Lady Penelope: "We haven't time to argue, Nosey, er Parker, but if you feel like this, I shall drive us to London."

Lord Silton: "REVERSE!"

Lady Penelope: "There was no need to shout, Lord Silton. You see, we're going quite smoothly, now.

Parker: "We are, madam but backwards!

Parker: "We're approachin' a tree, madam! M-M-Madam the the tree! Madam, There's a tree!"

Scott Tracy: "OK, hold it! Look at this."

Alan Tracy: "We're not gonna get through in time, Scott."

Scott Tracy: "I know, but take a look at this plan of the vault. There's definitely a weak spot underneath.

Virgil Tracy: "Yeah, but we've already established that we can't tunnel in."

Scott Tracy: "Looks like we're beaten this time... I'll get down to headquarters, see if they can come up with anything."

Lovegrove: "Just 30 minutes left!"

Lambert: "Oh, getting hot in here. I may as well finish these off though, before I go home."

Jeff Tracy: "So you can't cut through the door?"

Scott Tracy: "Not inthe available time. We've just got to come up from below."

Jeff Tracy: "Any suggestions, Brains?"

Brains: "Well n-n-not at this moment, Mr Tracy."

Jeff Tracy: "There must be an answer somewhere."

Grandma Tracy: "And I think I know what it is."

Scott Tracy: "You, Grandma?"

Grandma Tracy: "You want to come out the ground, but you can't use the Mole... is that the problem?"

Jeff Tracy: "You've got it."

Grandma Tracy: "Well, it seems I remember when I was a little girl, my grandma told me about the old London subway - trains under the ground. New York had them as well. Of course, that was before this new-fangled overhead monorail system."

Jeff Tracy: "Hey, you may have something there! Scott, check and see whether those subway tunnels are still in existence."

Virgil Tracy: "Look, Alan, Piccadilly Circus!"

Alan Tracy: "Yeah. Sure makes a change from being up in space."

Virgil Tracy: "Come on, this way."

Lovegrove: "Ten minutes! That's all there is left."

Scott Tracy: "Any news of the guy who's got the key?"

Parker: "One of madam's short cuts."

Virgil Tracy: "We made it! The Bank of England."

Alan Tracy: "Let's find the elevator shaft."

Lambert: "I... I can hardly breathe. Must get must get out, must get out. I'm locked in! The air.... The air's nearly pumped out!"


Alan Tracy: "This is it, Virgil."


Virgil Tracy: "Let's get to work."

Lovegrove: "Three minutes. We've failed!"

Lambert: "Must try and get help."

Lady Penelope: "Journey's end. What a pleasant drive. I must do this more often, Parker."

Scott Tracy: "One minute! Come on, fellas!"

Alan Tracy: "We'll be through any time.

Lambert: "Must phone...!"

Alan Tracy: "Come on!"

Lady Penelope: "What's happened? - Are we in time?"

Lovegrove: "Lord Silton! We'd given up hope. Lambert is trapped in the vault!"

Scott Tracy: "There's just seconds left!"

Lovegrove: "Quickly, sir. The electronic key!"

Lord Silton: "The key?"

Lovegrove: "Yes, sir. The one you always have with you in your briefcase."

Lord Silton: "Briefcase?"

Lovegrove: "It never leaves your side, remember?"

Lord Silton: "Oh, THAT briefcase. I erm... I must have left it at Lady Penelope's."

Parker: "One of your hair-clips, m'lady, if you would be so kind."

Parker, this is no time for flippancy."

Parker: "Couldn't be more serious, m'lady. They 'aven't built a safe, yet, that Nosey Parker can't open!"

Lambert: "Get International Rescue."

Virgil Tracy: "We're through!"

Lambert: "W-W-Who are you?"

Virgil Tracy: "You OK?"

Alan Tracy: "Guess we just made it."

Virgil Tracy: "We're International Rescue."

Lambert: "International Rescue? I knew you were highly efficient but this is ridiculous!"

Parker: "I'm afraid I've ruined your hairpin, m'lady."

Lady Penelope: "Parker, you're an old rascal!"


Parker: "Yes, milady."


Lord Silton: "Did you see that, Lovegrove? The Bank of England vault opened with a hairpin! Outrageous!"


Lovegrove: "Indeed, sir. Outrageous, sir!"


Virgil Tracy: "Right! Now just take it easy."


Alan Tracy: "The danger's over, now."

Scott Tracy: "Virgil and Alan have made it OK, but we sure wish you'd arrived earlier, Parker."

Lord Silton: "Have to have something done about this vault, Lovegrove. Can't have chaps with hairpins wandering in and out!"

Lovegrove: "Oh, indeed, sir. I couldn't agree more, sir."

Lord Silton: "It'll mean fitting a new safe. We could do worse than go back to the old one - at least that took him two and a half hours."

Lady Penelope: "Parker?"

Parker: "Yes, milady?"

Lady Penelope: "There's one thing about this busines that bothers me still."

Parker: "Oh? What's that, m'lady?"

Lady Penelope: "Why on earth did that old safe take you so long to open, when the new one only took seconds?"

Parker: "Oh! Oh, that, m'lady. Oh, yes, well the first time, we had an audience, didn't we. I mean, there's only one rule that must never be broken: NEVER disappoint your public!"

Lady Penelope: "I see, Parker."

Parker: "I'm, er sorry about the mishunderstandin', madam."

Lady Penelope: "Forget it, Parker. I'll say no more about it."

Parker: "Oh, thank you, m'lady. It wasn't anythin' to do with Light-Fingered Fred after all."

Light-Fingered Fred: "Phoaw! Love a duck! They call this place burglar-proof? They'd do better to use my kid's piggy bank!"

The End

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